This means I’ve been avoiding myself.
Avoiding being present, not honoring my feels and emotions.
I think to myself, “there’s enough pain in this world, why add to it?”
Like I am not worthy enough to express my own pain.
What becomes of this?
Life gets messy when we don’t face our pain.
In my life I had been so angry and so sad for so long that those feelings became like a soothing childhood blankie I was afraid to let go of. I feared who I would be without shame, grief, and anger. I held on so fiercely to those low vibration emotions that it caused dis-ease, splintered relationships, and blocked love and joy in my life. I’ve spoken before in front of audiences and in my writings about how “life can be painful, but if we use that pain to transform/transmute our suffering into creativity then it becomes something of greater awareness and beauty.” When we take that awareness and combine it with gratitude for who we are; we are able to show up and live a fuller life through our heart in grace, forgiveness, peace, love, joy, play, courage, and balance. I am doing my best to live this way, but I am most certainly not perfect at this practice, but I can now recognize when I am not showing up. When I can’t show up for myself, I cannot be there for others. When I can’t join with my own pain, I cannot join in with love, because I am not unconditionally loving myself. There were times I was unable to trust because I was not able to trust myself because I was not being honest. I am no where near above imperfect and that no longer makes me anxious or tense. I’ve learned to let go of that feeling in my body of intensely holding on to an idea or way of thinking that I must be anything other than my truth.
Why do I share this?
Because it’s not about me, it’s about us.
We need to connect within and with each other.
In Brené Brown’s, Dare to Lead, she says:
“Leading from hurt rather than leading from heart means we’re working our shit out on other people. And, because we’re not addressing the real driver of our pain, this behavior isn’t an occasional angry slip. rather than becomes a habit.”
“Without self-awareness and the ability to manage our emotions, we often unknowingly lead from hurt, not heart. Not only is this a huge energy suck for us and the people around us, it creates distrust, disengagement, and an eggshell culture.”
Allow the hurt through your heart to inform you of its cause. This will be painful, but be brave and vulnerable to allow healing to happen. It’s OK to break down, it doesn’t mean you are broken. When you discover the root of your pain, express what you must and then let it go.
Why do I share this?
Because it’s about me, it’s about us.
We need to connect.